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Photos are awful

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Jul. 19th, 2009 | 07:34 pm

At parties and social gatherings I tend to be the person taking pictures rather than the person posing; the reason for this is that I hate looking at pictures of myself, and the reason for this is that they are all absolutely awful. Every single one.

This isn't body dysmorphia in my opinion; I'm quite happy looking at myself in the mirror, and I can take some decent photos of myself with webcams and so on. It's just that any time I appear in anyone else's photos I look like an awkward bulky balding red-faced lump with the poise and grace of a pile of cement.

My neck vanishes, for a start - it isn't what you'd call lengthy anyway (thanks Dad) but I'm always apparently wearing a high collar. I'm also always slightly slumped or stooping or shrugging forward, which shortens my neck and also means that the width of my shoulders, which should technically draw attention away from the size of my stomach, doesn't, and I go all pear-shaped. A saggy pear. Probably with wasps in it.

I have the stupidest damn expression on my face at every possible opportunity; it's much worse when I'm not deliberately pulling a face, which is why I suppose I do quite often. My gradually receding hairline, which generally I do not give the slightest shit about, begins to annoy me drastically, as in pictures it elongates my head and there is far more visible difference between the baldy bit and the hairy bit. And my beard just looks smug.

Throughout my sister's wedding people were telling me I looked like my damn father - somebody actually mistook me for him - and I can see why now. (Apart from the mistaking part, given that I'm six inches taller and half his age and don't have a South African accent in the least.) It is particularly irritating when combined with the fact that my sister looks terrific in all of the pictures, though she's always been a shameless and incorrigible poser.

I don't know what I can do about this apart from (a) improve my posture (b) shave my head entirely and (c) not wear suits or anything else with collars. (b), I can do quite easily I suppose, so I will. I thought I was doing (a) but apparently not. (c) is a bit tricky at weddings and assorted formal occasions.

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Comments {5}


(no subject)

from: pallasathene8
date: Jul. 19th, 2009 08:10 pm (UTC)

Perhaps if you posted some awful pictures of yourself we could give you some helpful advice...or you know, just gawk and giggle.

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(no subject)

from: lilyvalley
date: Jul. 20th, 2009 12:24 am (UTC)

Post pics you took of yourself and also pics other people took of you, so we can compare (while gawking and giggling).

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(no subject)

from: soho_iced
date: Jul. 20th, 2009 10:51 am (UTC)

Hey thanks! It helped that a fair chunk of the overall budget went to making me look good. An ugly bride is to be avoided at all costs (literally) since she'll be pretty conspicuous whatever.

True, you don't take a good photo in my experience, but there are several I like on the photographer's website, now it's finally up - have a look. (Cf my bridesmaid K, who is also deeply unphotogenic and I just hope she never sees this.)

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Fridge does not look like his father

from: anonymous
date: Jul. 27th, 2009 12:05 pm (UTC)

I would not worry unduly about you looking like your father. The woman who thought so - a Cambridge graduate and maths lecturer - once thought that telephones were powered by gas.


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Re: Fridge does not look like his father

from: fridgemagnet
date: Jul. 28th, 2009 08:40 pm (UTC)

She wasn't the only person to say that (she was the only person to actually think I was you, though).

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