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So that's a good start then

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May. 7th, 2008 | 06:21 pm

Our first step to B*ris Heaven is apparently not being able to drink on the tube any more. If it was necessary to highlight exactly how he doesn't have a fucking clue. As every person who actually uses the tube knows, the problem with alcohol on the tube is when people get on steaming drunk and make a nuisance of themselves. You can't actually get steaming drunk on the tube, because the journeys aren't long enough (well, perhaps if you are coming in from Epping or something).

Therefore, banning drinking on the tube will do nothing to stop annoyance to other passengers, but will irritate people who are having a quick can before going out or on the way to the match or are a bit stressed on the way home or whatever. The only issue that there is with actual drinking on the tube is when people drop cans or leave them lying about, and that's a general food and drink issue - discarded burgers are much worse there, being a lot smellier.

Expect to see a lot more of this sort of pointless fuckwittery.

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Comments {8}

Loz

(no subject)

from: blahflowers
date: May. 7th, 2008 09:21 pm (UTC)
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Pah, away with your petty Trotskyist quibbling, don't you know that 'the peoples of London has spokenned'? Boris is boss now and beneath that bumbling, racist, lower-class-despising shell beats on of the most brilliantest political minds ever? So don't start a rumble with him!

Obviously: People who have drunk just prior to attempting to get on a tube train will be put in a corner with a bucket and told to stick two fingers down their throat.
People so criminal as to allow the alcohol time to enter their bloodstream will simply have their blood confiscated, returnable only after writing a letter saying how sorry they are for everything bad in the country.

The Borisevik Revolution begins here!

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Drunk people on tubes

from: anonymous
date: May. 8th, 2008 10:25 am (UTC)
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No, they will not be given a bucket - they will be made to pay for a bucket and pay for its later disposal - this will be run by a privatised organisation called DrunkBucket which will have lots of Tory MPs on its board. The blood will not be returned at all, it will be transfused into people like Micheal Howard. The sick will probably be posted to Gordon Brown without a stamp.

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You see, here's the problem...

from: slashandburn
date: May. 8th, 2008 05:53 pm (UTC)
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Mr Johnson is also said to be considering taking advice from Bill Bratton, the Los Angeles police commissioner, on how to cut street crime in the capital.
Apparently he's been influenced by people over here. We love this sort of thing. "No smoking in the carpark! It's an enclosed space and we don't want all the asbestos and partially-burnt hydrocarbons to get any sort of respiratory infection!"

I'm all for quality-of-life concerns, sure, but it seems the people who raise these issues most loudly and frequently are a bunch of uptight pricks who can not countenance being annoyed or inconvenienced for so much as a second or two out of the day.

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fridgemagnet

Re: You see, here's the problem...

from: fridgemagnet
date: May. 8th, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
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How's the street crime in LA, anyway?

(The man is also proposing weekend schools for children where, amongst other things, they march. Quite seriously. I don't think the time is quite right for that one though.)

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Re: You see, here's the problem...

from: velvetvandal
date: May. 8th, 2008 09:40 pm (UTC)
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There are loads of signs on the Metro station platforms around here saying you aren't allowed to drink. Have been for years. And yet, even before they put them up, I never saw anyone drinking at Metro stations. It's weird.

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Re: You see, here's the problem...

from: slashandburn
date: May. 10th, 2008 02:57 am (UTC)
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That's funny, because there aren't any "Thank you for not wanking" signs up, despite that happening a bit more frequently than people getting their faces mashed in, a situation for which there is also no sign.

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Re: You see, here's the problem...

from: anonymous
date: May. 9th, 2008 09:15 am (UTC)
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I think that a lot of marching would have been SO good for you as a child! I can just see you in your miniature army fatigues with your miniature gun saluting the outsize Union flag.
Perhaps not ...
Did Boris march as a child do you think?
OP

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Re: You see, here's the problem...

from: slashandburn
date: May. 10th, 2008 02:36 am (UTC)
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It's not anywhere near as bad as it was, but it was already going down when Gates was chief, much less Parks. All I know is that I've not been the target of a mugging since `03, despite being in similar cirumstances many times. As I recall, there's been a general downward trend in violent crime in the states since the early nineties. Being third after lies and damned lies though they are, I think the statistics in this case don't entirely disagree with my experiences over the past fifteen years.

But it's probably going to get worse over the next few years and the same bunch of shitheads who are now taking credit for reducing crime are going to be shifting the blame elsewhere—no-one in sports ever blames God for losing a game, but he sure gets the credit for a win—but certainly not where the blame is ultimately due.

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