fridgemagnet

• If you can't face doing the washing-up, at least wash the cafetiere before going to bed.

Though actually, for some reason, I did all the washing up before going to bed, which has also proved good. Staggering around going "uuurrrr" and then entering a kitchen full of gak where you have to fight eggshells to even get a teaspoon is traditional, but a tradition which needs updating.

• BBC NEWS | Magazine | Bust-up with the boss?
  Workers accused of theft or damage could soon find themselves blacklisted on a register to be shared among employers.
  (tags: bastards work information privacy)

Our first step to B*ris Heaven is apparently not being able to drink on the tube any more. If it was necessary to highlight exactly how he doesn't have a fucking clue. As every person who actually uses the tube knows, the problem with alcohol on the tube is when people get on steaming drunk and make a nuisance of themselves. You can't actually get steaming drunk on the tube, because the journeys aren't long enough (well, perhaps if you are coming in from Epping or something).

Therefore, banning drinking on the tube will do nothing to stop annoyance to other passengers, but will irritate people who are having a quick can before going out or on the way to the match or are a bit stressed on the way home or whatever. The only issue that there is with actual drinking on the tube is when people drop cans or leave them lying about, and that's a general food and drink issue - discarded burgers are much worse there, being a lot smellier.

Expect to see a lot more of this sort of pointless fuckwittery.

I do still have to work today (well, I have things that need doing and deadlines to meet) but given the weather and the general bank-holiday-ness, I'm declaring today a "creative day", which clearly means

* not much if any real work being done;
* lots of diagrams and mindmaps and pretty pictures;
* probably the pub.

• The man holding Boris's leash | The Australian
  "LYNTON Crosby has played many roles during his long career in the backroom of conservative politics, but in London next week he will face the critics in his first performance as Jeeves, P.G. Wodehouse's butler."
  (tags: london politics borisjohnson twat)

It isn't so much the idea of the twat actually being mayor. Don't get me wrong, it will clearly be at best humiliating and at worst a complete disaster. We will get plenty of wizard wheezes from Tory think-tanks, as well as, I'm sure, a bold new standard of cronyism and corruption, umpteen new and exciting ways to sell off public services and assets, and lots of bashing of "multiculturalism" and "PC". But in the context of broader politics it's just one aspect that's now worse, not a sudden catastrophe.

It's the fact that so many people actually voted for him, for utterly rubbish reasons. It's all "congestion charge" (I like the congestion charge, but regardless of that, Johnson is not going to remove it - I suppose he has promised not to increase it, so this one does at least approach rationality, even if it also means you are wrong), "I read something about corruption in the Standard" (again, approaching rationality, but not actually a reason to vote for Boris - what little sleaze was ranted about was hardly endemic to the administration and it is just stupid to think that the bloody Tories are going to reduce corruption), "Ken is an anti-semite" (balls), "Ken hugged that Islamist bloke so hates women and gays" (what?), "Bendy buses!" (fuck off) and so on.

I've always had a certain confidence that while there might be quite a few idiots living in this city, most people are at least able to identify somebody who patently doesn't give a toss about the city and is just making stuff up, and then not vote for them. Now I really don't have that any more.

There's going to be trouble if that twat actually has won.

I know where you live, remember.

• Richard Bartle: Gamers have won the battle against the censors | Technology | guardian.co.uk
  Excellent rant from Bartle. "Dwell on this, you smug, out-of-touch, proud-to-be-innumerate fossils: half the UK population thinks games are fun and cool, and you don't."
  (tags: rant games internet computer)

Humphrey Lyttleton dies. It is a particularly serious moment. I can think of nothing more to say apart from:

Shepherds Bush.

(Using all amendments from Volume XII, though not of course iii.xx.(c)! Don't be silly!)

• BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | Al-Qaeda accuses Iran of 9/11 lie
  Funniest thing ever, if you've been plagued by conspiracy loons. "Stop saying Israel did it! You think that we couldn't manage this?"
  (tags: middleeast politics alqaeda funny israel iran)

• A Cat Playing The Theremin | Laughing Squid
  Can't really elaborate much on that. Worth watching to the end.
  (tags: cats cute theremin video)

• BBC NEWS | UK | England | Dorset | Council admits spying on family
  "A council has admitted spying on a family using laws to track criminals and terrorists to find out if they were really living in a school catchment (area)." Not that anybody said that this sort of thing would happen at the time, or anything like that.
  (tags: bastards surveillance uk)

Spotted in Grimsby recently.

This morning I woke up at 3:33 and also, at 4:44.

Well, actually, I cheated. I woke up at 4:43, but decided that I was not allowed to go back to sleep until 4:44, so waited until then.

I did not wake up at 5:55. I did in fact wake up at about 5:35, but clearly 20 minutes was far too long to wait.

Slighty scatty-looking woman attempting to unchain a bicycle from the railings outside the pub across the road from the pub across the road from me. She was doing it so oddly that I actually thought she was trying to steal the thing. Halfway through, she turned to her left and yelped, literally jumping in the air; there was absolutely nothing there, and no people in that direction for a good fifty metres. After successful bicycle unchainment, she cycled off, and I continued walking, only to see her apparently walking into another pub further down the road after having chained up the bicycle to a lamppost.

The presence of this thing called "the sun" has caused rapid changes in plumage and behaviour in general. Bearing in mind that this is basically the first day that it has been both sunny and warm this year, sunglasses are now commonplace, ladies are wearing their summer frocks and both an open-topped car full of young women with frocks, sunglasses etc doing inexpert U-turns, and a black custom Hummer crawling down my road playing 50 Cent or some similar shite, have been noted. For myself, I am experimenting with Micheladas - beer and tomato juice is not as bad as one might think (I say that now).

• Watchpeanuts: Watchmen as Charles M Schulz drawings - Boing Boing
  (tags: funny comics watchmen peanuts)

Tony Fucking Blair being mysteriously allowed to speak, rather than sealed in an oil drum and thrown into the Tigris for target practice:

he said he had "no claims to moral superiority"

No shit. Not that I go for all this liberal PC moral relativism nonsense about it all being according to your point of view either; the man is actively morally inferior to pretty much everyone I can think of. And he's still fucking out there.

Apparently he's going to launch a "Faith Foundation" at some point, too. Mary Mother of God, saints preserve us, Jesus Christ almighty etc etc.

One noisy protest and one silent one outside the appalling excuse for a human being's speech, but dealt with in a Christian manner of course.

just got back from the demo. pretty good turnout i thought!
when i left (about 9.15), most of the demonstraters had been penned in round the back by a fresh bunch of very aggressive cops. I saw a girl, who was clearly very passive, be thrown into a cop van and then punched, kicked and kneed by two officers. We got the number of one but the other had taken hers off. When i got round there again at 9.15 they were still kneeing her. she was crying by this point, and made no attempt at resist that i saw. very very :(

'course, not as sad as the thousands of iraqis living in constant fear and suffering terrifying violence as a result of bliar's illegal war, hey :)

New coins. At first I said "what?" but then, after seeing them laid out, I said "oh!"



I quite like them now.

Also: if you had told me that I would be wondering about adding money to an ISA about now a few years ago, I would have hit you.

Entirely unexpectedly, this seems relatively sane in approach, in that the main message is that kids are going to get on the internet and really, the only sensible thing is to make sure that they know the dangers, they know how to avoid them and their parents know what the hell is going on so that they can help. The idea of educating parents so that they can take responsibility, particularly, is a bit new.

There are certainly a few barking bits though, primarily the idea that all new computers should come with filtering software.

the creation of kitemarked filtering software that is installed on all new PCs sold for use in the home and which is given away with all new net contracts.

There is a certain amount of practical logic in having parental controls on consoles, as games can be given a built-in rating and consoles can be password-locked and aren't easily hacked. It's not a good solution overall, but it might at least work to some degree. Internet filters, though, are bollocks. Everyone knows that they're bollocks - they aren't that good at blocking porn and they block a load of sites which simply mention sex or drugs or are, you know, a bit dangerous. Is your child wondering if they're gay? Perhaps they want to look up drug information without it being some crap from Frank? Maybe they're taking an interest in politics and are looking beyond the usual sources. Maybe they just want to read BoingBoing. Nuh-uh!

Exhibit A - Tesco Healthy Living Carrot & Coriander Soup In A Mug



Expected: Horrible watery orange-coloured stuff with a few weedy bits of dried vegetable. From past experience of Healthy Living soups, which usually have to be adultered with a olive oil, salt, pepper, chilli sauce etc etc, and soaked up with loads of bread.

Experienced: Actually potable without adulteration. Taste not ridiculously weedy, possibly due to dried coriander not being all that bad. Admittedly I did dip bread in it and add a bit of chilli sauce but I could probably have gotten away without it. Also, I put more water in it than I thought a good idea from other soups, and it held up satisfactorily.

Exhibit B - Nescafé "Cappuccino"



This one was just asking for trouble - I bought it on a whim at the all-night garage. Expected: the usual gut-wrenching Nescafe, with built-in powdered milk - worst combination possible of dried ingredients. I didn't believe that it would actually froth at all, and if it did, it would be the result of some sort of evil chemical reaction that would eat through the cup.

Experienced: There are ten sachets, each (I assume) containing a mix of small whitish and brownish granules. A teaspoon of sugar and then water was added in a mug, spoon inserted, vigorous stirring. Amazingly enough it did froth up a bit - nothing much like a real cappuccino, but not just slight surface bubbling. I still don't know why this is.

Packet included a tube of "chocco topping", presumably so named to avoid any legal issues about it not being actual chocolate, which was generously dusted on as instructed on the back of the packet. Perhaps it was the amount of chocco or the added sugar but drinking it wasn't bad at all. Certainly not as bad as normal Nescafe. Again, nothing much like a real cappuccino, but as a sort of fake milky coffee drink for idle people it could be a lot worse.